I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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