god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize