Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
