All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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