You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
