I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
