My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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