If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
