You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
