Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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