I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
