i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
