u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
