My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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