Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Two words: nipple clamps
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
