I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
