; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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