nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
