i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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