I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
