You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
