please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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