Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
