DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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