so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
