i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
