My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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