Just fell off a train. Bad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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