She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
