dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
