i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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