Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love you.
Bad choice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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