I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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