She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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