Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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