Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
vagina is talking i cant
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
