That's intense
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
