You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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