i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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