She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
