Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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