So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
wow bdsm is so cute
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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