What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
