I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think my tv is drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
