i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
