8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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