fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COCAINE IS GR8
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
