i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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