I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
