i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
