He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
