No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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