Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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