Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
