Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
