If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We left the knife in your bed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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