dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
