dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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