New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize