I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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