theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
