No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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